Life with restrictions

Everyone will have regrets...For this pass 20 years,almost 16 years are live with "restrictions"..I just want a simple live like other kids do while I was still 5 years old,but something appear to restricts me from being natural happy as other kids did.It is just a unknown sickness which prevent me from over joy and over play.When I over play,I started to have difficulty to breath(this sickness is not asthma) and start to feel nausea.This sickness cause me to have miserable life in my age 5 to 12...I hope I can get rid of this sickness when I enter secondary school,but no, it still with me until now...Worst of all,it happen another new sickness land on me.This sickness prevent me from alots of physical activities..My dream to play basketball and football with my secondary school friends shatter.During I was still in primary,I watched how my elder brother enjoy his secondary school life by participate in sports with his friend and I start to vow to follow his steps..But..not everything goes as you want...Totally miserable till I finish Form 5..After rest for half year,I enter Form 6...and I wish I meet someone I love...yes I did it,But I never ever have the courage to tell her because I know I can't give her happiness but I also will ruin her..The moment,I tell myself...Love is not actually you need to be with her, but is depend on how many times you help her....From that moment on...I swear to myself..whenever I fall in love with a girl...Things that I will do are..wish her happiness and able to found someone can give her happiness and if can,to secretly help her with all my cost....After I get my results...I start to apply what I dream for and yes ,I success being accepted..But,I let go the chance even it stand in front of me..Because my sickness limited me to do so...almost 15 years I have dream to achieve this career...but on that day of interview,a dream for me is only a dream for eternity..once again..I shatter my dream with my own hand...unwillingly...What is the reason for me to live...everything I dream..at the end I shatter it myself unwillingly...I live for 20 years for now ..I start to think..maybe there are zillion of zillion people..There sure will have some people like me who will keep shattering their dream...Or I think again...maybe The "Sky" is helping me by preventing me from realizing all my dream because it may be dangerous for me..I guess..Have nothing to regrets..just keep walk to the front,thats all I can do..I don't know my Heart can hold how long if I keep shattering my dreams in the future